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Het ek jou verloor?

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Het ek jou verloor
in die vraag wat jy nooit gevra het nie?
Het ek jou verloor
in die antwoord wat ek nooit verskaf het nie?
Het ek jou verloor
in die oomblikke van stilte,
wens, begeer en vrees?
Het ek jou verloor
in dubbelsinnige boodskappe
gestuur op papier?
Het ek jou verloor
aan iemand wat nie bestaan?
Het ek te gou
moed opgegee,
myself versoen met die gedagte
dat jy nooit myne sal wees?
Dra jy woorde op jou lippe
wat betekenis verloor,
sodra jy dit wil sê?
Het ek te veel, te min, te hard, te sag,
te stadig, te vinnig
gepraat -
het ek jou verloor?

Did I lose you
in the question you never dared to ask?
Did I lose you
in the answer I never dared to give?
Did I lose you
in the moments of silence,
wishes, desire and fear?
Did I lose you
in ambiguous messages
sent on paper?
Did I lose you
to somebody who never existed?
Did I too soon
surrender my hope,
and accept the thought
that you'll never be mine?
Do you harbour words on your lips
that lose their meaning,
as soon as they're about to be said?
Did I talk
too much, too little, too loud, too soft,
too slow, too fast –
did I lose you?